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by Jim Hightower
Is there something about
being elected to a state legislature that automatically turns an otherwise
normal person's brain to silly putty? Medical science needs to study
Wherever you live, if you take a look at your state legislative
body, you'll most likely gag and say to yourself: "What a parade of fools." But
let me assure you that your fools will be elevated in your eyes to the vaunted
status of noble Athenian statesmen if you'll measure them against the platinum
standard of legislative idiocy and ineptitude: Texas.
I ask you, has your
state legislature taken the time to contemplate the pressing public need to
regulate the gyrations of high school teenagers? Texas has, so I rest my case –
We're Number One!
State Rep. Al Edwards has boldly gone where only fools
dare tread – into the suffocating swamp of teenage hormonal behavior. He's the
sponsor of the Texas Sexy Cheerleader bill, which dictates that our state
education agency must intervene whenever cheerleaders in any local school
district perform "in a manner that is overly sexually suggestive." Al's bill
does not define either "overtly" or "sexually suggestive," leaving such niceties
to the Pom-Pom police that, presumably, will be in the stands with binoculars
trained on the teen bottoms of all of our cheerleaders, chronicling every
sexually suggestive twitch and jiggle. Needless to say, the education agency was
instantly flooded with applicants eager to serve on this Don't-Shake-Your-Booty
When the bill reached the house floor, saner
legislators derided it as "ridiculous," "stupid," "insulting," and "a disgrace"
– yet it passed the house! This is the same legislature, by the way, that won't
devise a financing plan that would raise our schools to the educational level,
of say, Mississippi – but by gollies, Texas is Number One in guarding against
devilish dancing by cheerleaders.
SOURCES: "Hip hip, – but no hurray,"
Baltimore Sun, May 8, 2005.
"House 'horseplay' is nothing to cheer about,
Austin American-Statesman, May 5, 2005.
(c) 2005, Copyright - Saddleburr Productions, Inc.
Reprinted with the permission of the
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